Monday, 19 July 2010

Hearbreaker - Cineworld, Edinburgh - 13/7/10

Most of you won't know what I look like but, trust me, I am REALLY good looking.

The sort of good looking that makes womens heads turn on the street.

The kind of good looking that enrages other men and makes them feel insecure around me.

Think of the best looking man you know.

Now make him more good looking.

A bit more.

Bit more.

And...a tiny, tiny bit more...

That's me.

Right there.

That image in your head...that's me.

I'm THAT good looking.

Of course, in order to be able to move freely on the streets and not be accosted by women at every turn I have set about de-beautifying myself through a set of cosmetic surgeries aimed at making me more, well, normal.

So, where once I was THAT good looking now I have the appearance of a short, middle-aged, bespectacled, thick set man. That's how good looking I was...I had to go to these extremes just to make my life comfortable.

Even at my MOST gorgeous though I was never as good looking or as debonair and charming as Romain Duris.

Duris is REALLY good looking.

I'm a straight man and I don't think I've ever fancied someone as much as I fancied Duris in "Heartbreaker"

The shock of curls on top of his head.

His perfectly groomed stubble.

Those eyes.

That mouth.


I'm not sure what the film was about really. I spent most of the time thinking about what life with Romain as my boyfriend would be like. How happy he would make me. How wonderful it would be to wake up every morning and see his tousled hair on the pillow next to mine.


I love you Romain Duris...and I'm straight.

OK, so that's that out of the way and I can get on with the review proper.

"Heartbreaker" is the best romantic comedy you are likely to see this year. It may even be one of the best romantic comedies ever. I know that in a world filled with guff like "Did You Hear About the Morgans" and "Bridget Jones and the Wizards Sleeve" that seems like faint praise but I like romcom and this was WAY above the rest of the herd.

Romain Duris (aaaaaaaah) uses his good looks (did I mention how good looking he is?) to split up couples...which sounds mean but he does it to free women from unhappy relationships so it's a good thing really. He breaks his own rule by agreeing to split up a happy couple. Inevitably he falls for the bloody wonder given that she is Vanessa (Joe le Taxi) Paradis. What follows is a smart, genuinely funny and sexy comedy.

You should go and see it.

Probably twice because the first time you'll be distracted by Romain Duris!

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