Friday, 29 January 2010

The Bone Collector - DVD - 29/1/10

The following is a transcript of a telephone conversation between two studio executives in 1999.

Dick: Hey Anthony. I got a proposition for you. This is money. Pure money.

Anthony: I'm listening Dick.

Dick: OK. So, I saw Jons daughter the other day and she gets to telling me how she wants to...

Anthony: Jon who?

Dick: Voight. His daughter, Angelina...she's done a couple of movies. There's a lot of buzz about her in this new crazy chick movie, you know the one, uh, yeah..."Girl Interrupted". Could be an Oscar is what they're saying.

Anthony: I saw it, I saw it. She plays the irrepressible wild child daughter of wealthy parents locked up for refusing to conform no?

Dick: You got it. That's the one. So, anyhoo, she wants to do something more gritty, less victim and more strong woman. She doesn't want to get typecast.

Anthony: Sure, sure. But can she act? I mean, let's be honest here Dick, the wealthy wild child daughter of wealthy parents who doesn't want to conform playing the wealthy wild child daughter of wealthy parents in a nut house isn't exactly method, you hear me?

Dick: I hear you Tone, I really do but listen...this chick is HOT. We could put her in anything and it'd sell tickets so I figure put her in something very now...I'm thinking "Seven", I'm thinking "Silence of the Lambs" and then when that bombs with the critics, which we both know it will, she'll come back to us and we can squeeze her into a pair of tight shorts and market her to the male magazine market...that's a big market.

Anthony: Yeah it is. I like it. So, let's put her in something where she can do that thing she know look surprised all the time and pouty. What have we got?

Dick: I got just the thing. "The Bone Collector". It's like a serial killer movie, dark, gothic but total hokum! There are so many plot holes you could drop Rosie O'Donnell in one of them and she'd plop straight through.

Anthony: Perfect. What's the story?

Dick: OK, well we got Denzel playing a former forensic cop who is bed-ridden after an accident leaves him paralyzed, we got a serial killer leaving clues that only he could solve, we got the Jolie kid playing a former model turned cop, grieving for her deceased ex-cop father who shot himself, we got a great script...we just need the green light.

Anthony: The script is hot huh? Gimme and example.

Dick: Sure, sure...uh, OK..."Hey, for what it's worth, you did a damn fine job out there today" or "My therapist says I'm not getting what I need from this relationship"

Anthony: Really?

Dick: I'm not even kidding. It's a bigger turkey than the Von Trapps would eat at Thanksgiving.

Anthony: I love it. Shoot it, release it and get the Jolie kid right where we want her.

I'm not even joking.

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