Sunday, 26 September 2010

Cyrus - Cineworld - 11/9/10

Secretary: Mr Williams I have a Jay and Mark Duplass in reception for you.

Williams: Oh right, the Duplass, what's the pitch here Olivia? I haven't read it.

Sec: Ah, lemme check for you Mr Williams...its'...oh, yes, here we go, fat, loser, divorcee finds love but the woman has a fat, loser man-child at home who doesn't want the divorcee to screw his mom...and...

Williams: That's good Olivia, I got it. It's a Farrelly Brothers thing right? Two fat guys fighting for the love of a way foxy mom, cue lots of laughs blah, blah, blah. Good. Send 'em in.

Sec: Right away Mr Williams. Gentlemen, you can go through now.

Williams: Jay! Mark! Mark! Jay! I can never remember which is which! HA HA HA. How the hell are ya? Never mind how you are it's how you're gonna be that matters right? Right? Of course I'm right. So "Cyrus"...I LOVED THIS SCRIPT! I was laughing my ASS off!

Mark: Really?

Jay: Cool. We were worried that it might not be what you were looking for.

Mark: Or that you would want to make some changes.

Williams: Changes? Are you guys crazy!? Why would I change this! Two fat guys, a hot momma...lotta laughs. Who doesn't enjoy laughing at fat guys? Right? RIGHT. Mix it up by throwing in a bit of hope that a hot momma may ever be interested in this sort of a loser to keep the fat losers from the real world happy and BINGO! Gross out comedy HIT! I said HIT! HA HA HA HA.

Mark: ?

Jay: Did you read the script Mr Williams?

Williams: I least I read what I could see through the tears of laughter that were blurring my vision! I will be honest with you here, at first I saw the title and read that you wanted John C Reilly and Cath Keener and I thought...YUK! I mean who wants some dark, indier than thou, mumblecore, "comedy" like "Greenberg", right? Did you see that! What was Benny thinking about! Anyway I guys have given me exactly what I need...what the world needs! The fat guy from "Superbad" in a movie where he has a crush on his mom! You are two sick puppies! GROSS OUT! HA HA HA HA HA!

Mark/Jay: Are you sure you...

Williams: Look, you two kids go out there and make me the funniest damn movie you can and in a year we can meet back here to share out the cash! Getouttahere!


Sec: Mr Williams, the final cut of "Cyrus" is ready for you.

Williams: What?

Sec: The Duplass brothers movie.

Williams: Gimme more.

Sec: John C Reilly?

Williams: More.

Sec: Cath Keener?

Williams: Ugh! Is this "Greenberg 2"?

Sec: Jonah Hill?

Williams: Ah, right! The fat guys and the hot momma! I cannot wait for this.


Williams: Olivia, get onto the trailer guys...tell them to cut out ANY and ALL references to "Cyrus" being "black", "dark", "intelligent" or "indie". I want lots of shots of fat guys doing stupid things. I want this to look like some sort of "American Pie" meets "Porkies" supermashupmixtape of a movie! Tell marketing to do a "Slumdog" on know, "Feel good hit..." blah, blah, blah. And make sure that anything the Duplass brothers submit is shredded. Assholes.

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