I am afraid that I cannot offer a review of the film.
Instead I am going to launch into a vicious tirade against Kiera Knightley.
This "actress" simply stinks up the room in every single scene she appears in...in every single film she has ever appeared in.
"Never Let Me Go"...a wonderful story by a wonderful writer totally ruined by her non-performance, ably assisted by the equally awful Carey Mulligan.
"Atonement"...proper film, great source material and yet again she single handedly ruins every scene she appears in.
"Domino"...!!!
"Pride and Prejudice"...a film where all she had to do was play herself, a simpering posho, and she couldn't convincingly manage that.
"Love Actually"...it takes a special talent to out-stink the sort of people who appear in Richard Curtis films but Kiera does the business.
"Bend it Like Beckham"...horrifically miscast but still manages to be the worst performer in a film that also features Jonathan Rhys Meyers...what an achievement!
I know, I know...this all sounds terribly mean spirited and, possibly, just plain hateful but I just cannot stand the fact that there are genuinely talented actresses in the world, scrabbling around in dead end jobs, trudging around a series of soul destroying auditions and living in near poverty while this simpering princess is raking in top dollar and trotting up and down the red carpet because of her parents connections.
It's sickening quite frankly.
Look at someone like Vicky McClure...a bona fide talent. An actress who has managed to put herself physically, emotionally and mentally into situations that have dragged shattering performances from somewhere deep within herself.
Compare that with whatever it is that Knightley is doing in the "Pirates" franchise.
Here, in "A Dangerous Method" she seems to confuse portraying madness with a gurning competition in some Yorkshire village in the early 1900's and ends up looking like Compo from "Last of the Summer Wine".
She may also be the only actress in the world who can appear tied to a bed, in a basque, her breasts revealed, being spanked by Michael Fassbender and leave every male in the room admiring the wallpaper. I'm not even joking. In what is meant to be a scene of sexual desire, shame and arousal she manages to rob it of any sexuality or sensuality and leave us with...nothing.
It would be wonderful to think that Knightley is destined for made for TV fare but when a respected film critic like Mr Phillip French describes this film as "admirably acted" then I fear that the extent of her familial connections has stretched so far as to render her bullet proof and we must all brace ourselves for a probable return in "Pirates 5" and, quite probably, "Domino 2".
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