I Am Number Four - Cineworld, Edinburgh - 12/3/11

Hmmmm.

"Twilight" but with aliens?

The thing about this is that I can't quite decide whether this was hideous or a tiny bit fabulous.

I mean, the whole thing is utter bunkum...handsome alien "boy" arrives on earth along with several others after their home planet is destroyed by horrible, ugly, aliens.  He has, naturally, some superpowers and a weird amulet around his neck.  He is protected by another alien, equally handsome but a bit older, who doesn't have superpowers (something to do with his status on the home planet or something) and he constantly on the move to avoid being detected by some of the ugly aliens who have arrived on earth to kill him and his friends.

When he arrives in "Paradise" he meets and falls in love with former "it" girl turned moody photographer and befriends a boy who is obsessed with aliens and who suspects his father may have been abducted by some.  He also manages to hack off the star quarterback at the school and generally makes himself far too visible for a "boy" who is meant to be keeping a low profile.

Things build to a climax with a huge fight between the "boy", one of the other superpowered aliens (a "girl") who arrives on a motorbike, skin tight clothes and with an Australian accent and the band of ugly aliens who want to kill them.  They win, of course, and head off into the sunset determined to find their peers in order to protect themselves and the earth.

I say "boy" and "girl" because, as with most Hollywood "teen" films the "teens" are played by people in their late twenties and behave like people in their late-twenties pretending to be teenagers.  That isn't the biggest problem with "I Am Number Four"...that honor goes to the script which is clunky and charmless.  That is a shame because the story, while nonsense, is, potentially, fun and loaded with sequel possibilities.  Another problem is that it takes almost two thirds of the film before anything even remotely resembling being exciting happens...that is the big battle which, I'm afraid, isn't worth waiting over an hour and a bit for.

The performances are no less cliched and wooden than those in "Twilight" and unlike the likes of the odious "R-Pat" (more like cow pat...ba-boom-tish!) they appear to be having fun and enjoying things.  With more time spent on the script and a greater urgency on the action front the, inevitable, sequel to this may be a lot more fun.

Hideous?

Tiny bit fabulous?

I'm going to plump for a tiny bit fabulous...but only a tiny, tiny bit.