Warning: This review contains plot spoilers.
So, she's not actually dead.
It was her sending the flowers all along.
Neither of those things actually matter.
"Dragon Tattoo" arrived with much fanfare...five star reviews, "gripping", "electrifying", "compelling" and "rollercoaster" were all words that were attached to it.
The truth is that the one word which would best describe it is; ridiculous.
It is utterly ridiculous.
Totally unbelievable.
Lisbeth Salander (Noomi Rapace) is, wait for it, a bisexual, cyber-goth, computer hacker, possessed of a photographic memory who burned her dad to death when she was a child.
Really?
That's the starting point for how ridiculous this film is.
Next up we have Mikael Blomkvist (Michael Nykvist) is a battered and beaten, world weary left wing journalist convicted of libelling a huge capitalist corporation who, despite his age and wrinkled face, bags naughty nights with Lisbeth after she hacks into his computer and helps him on a case he is investigating.
Really?
Throw in an old Swedish family who have connections to the Hitler youth, myriad other dark secrets and a missing niece.
Next up is a serial killing family member who learned his "trade" at the hands of his alcoholic, anti-semitic, serial killing father.
Oh, there's also a rapist parole officer who attacks Lisbeth and comes to a sticky end...almost literally when she shoves something up his arse after knocking him unconscious with a tazer and showing him the secret video footage of his raping her.
Honestly.
I'm not making any of this up.
Author Stieg Larsson did make it up...except the bit about the left wing, battered journalist fighting the big capitalist organisations and Nazis. That was how he made his living before his untimely death and the rest of the story is clearly his own sexual fantasies and conspiracy theories.
Is it any good?
Meh.
It's fun and it trots along briskly enough for you to be kept entertained but it is far from the "gripping", "compelling", "electrifying", "rollercoaster" of a movie that the reviews would have had you believe it was.
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