Saturday, 12 March 2011

Battle Los Angeles - Cineworld, Edinburgh - 11/3/11

Have you ever thought about a career in the military?


Neither had I...until I saw "Battle Los Angeles".

It is clear from this that being a US Marine is the best job in the world.

Of course it is fraught with danger and it takes a certain type of person to be able to go to a country you couldn't locate on a map in order to then kill people you have more in common with than not just because a politician tells you it is the right thing to do BUT...there are big guns and way cool explosions too.

Additionally you will also be the earths first line of defence should aliens from another planet arrive with hostile intent.

Somebody should have taken one of the Marines really big guns and used it to force director Jonathan Liebesman (who also brought us the classic "Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Beginnings"...urgh) and writer Chris Bertolini to deliver a movie that wasn't; a recruitment ad for the Marines and a mash-up of "Independence Day", "Signs", "Speed" (I'm not joking) and a million other films that weren't very good.  Think about what would have happened to you at school if you had delivered, as an original piece, a script or essay that told a story about an alien invasion ("Independence Day") from aliens who want access to our water supply ("Signs") and where some soldiers ride a bus to the freeway only to find the ramp gone ("Speed").  You would have been hauled over the coals for plagiarism faster than you could say "THIEF".

Like the awful "Inception" this also suffers from a soundtrack that is so LOUD that it is, at times, impossible to hear what anyone is saying.  However, that may be a blessing in disguise as one characters main contribution to events is to declare that "I'm a veterinarian"...before using this skill-set to perform an autopsy on an alien.

Quite what an actor like Aaron Eckhart was doing in this tosh is anyones guess but he should be ashamed.  Paying the bills is one thing but to do that by performing in a movie that would be perfect for Bill O'Reilly and Anne Coulter on a date is quite another.

Horrible, right wing, derivative, dull piffle.

1 comment:

  1. I always think that the UK Royal Marine's ad is really asking the wrong question. I might well have the state of mind to become a Royal Marine's Commando, but since I am 5 foot 2 and not very buff, I don't think it would do me any good. I watched Speed again the other day for some reason, and it was really much shiter than I remembered.