Mmmmmmonsters.
"Monsters"
M-O-N-S-T-E-R-S
MON-STERS.
We are inside the office of a leading Hollywood studio executive. Gareth Edwards is pitching his script "Monsters"
Studio Exec: OK, so Gareth, I see from the title of this project that it is called..."MONSTERS". Tell me more.
Gareth Edwards: Great. Right, well...the film is about the environment, it's about foreign policy, it's about the bloated greed of America and the UK and the other developed nations...
SE: Stop. Gareth. You are a well respected "effects" kinda guy. You seem very nice. However, I have to tell you that right now I am less than ten seconds away from gouging out my own eyes with the severed foot of a dead monkey.
GE: Oh. Really? This is an intellig...
SE: Gareth. Gareth. I promise you that if you do not tell me something to make me interested in this I will physically hurt you. Speak.
GE: Ah, right...well, it's also about the common bonds between us all...love and...
SE:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHDo you know what that noise is Gareth?
GE: Um, no, no I don't.
SE: That is the noise that you will make when I take this decorative letter opener from my desk and use it to carve my name into your lungs.
GE: Right, right, right...well there are monsters in the movie.
SE: OK. OK. Gareth. Baby! We love monsters. Tell me more...what do they look like? Tell me they have tentacles!
GE: Yes, yes, they do have tentacles!
SE: You just got yourself a cheque! So...we have a monster movie. Tentacles! Aliens! Blood! Gore! Pack the kids into the megaplex. YEAH! Go make your movie kid.
GE: Ye-es. OK.
Sadly, on this occasion I wish that the studio had been successful and Edwards had been forced to make a movie about monsters. There are no monsters in monsters. Well, there are but only for about a minute of screen time...for the rest of the film we have to endure a pitiful relationship between two pitiful excuses for human beings.
Spoilt rich girl Samantha has to get home to her spoilt rich father and her spoilt rich fiance. She is in Mexico where aliens have landed and are being kept in an "infected zone" close to the US border...clever stuff there huh? Everyone in Mexico is poor, desolate and desperate...Samantha towers over them with her beautiful hair and teeth, patronising them with her pigeon Spanish. We are meant to care about Samantha because she is a girl and because she speaks pigeon Spanish. We do not care about Samantha because she is awful.
Boring knob Kaulder (he's so cool he uses a K at the start of a name that should, clearly, have a C) is a struggling photographer trying to find photo opportunities of poor Mexican children...preferably dead ones and, ideally, dead ones as a result of alien attacks. He is a total git. We are supposed to care about him because...I can't even imagine why, seriously he has absolutely no redeeming qualities. I know he isn't real but I hate him.
We watch in stunned silence as hour after hour goes by with absolutely NOTHING happening...oh, that's not true actually because there is this amazing bit where we see glow in the dark mushrooms that live inside trees that are really the embryos of aliens. It doesn't sound amazing? Well, after eight hours of nothing else happening and with that nothing else happening in the company of the awful Kaulder and Samantha you will hail the glow in the dark mushrooms as the greatest moment in the history of cinema.
Look up "turgid" in the thesaurus and then use any of the alternatives you find to describe this to your friends.
Saturday, 18 December 2010
Monday, 13 December 2010
Somewhere - Cineworld - 10/12/10
Sofia Coppola.
First American woman to be nominated for an Oscar for directing...and the American woman who should have been the first to receive the Oscar for directing. The fact that she wasn't says everything about the Academy and nothing about Coppola. The woman who did win was, of course, Kathryn Bigelow who won for making a "manly" film about war...and guns...and bombs...with MEN. Coppola is an entirely different beast...she makes films about the small, intimate, personal and life changing whether that is in "The Virgin Suicides" the most unlikely of odes to adolescence or in "Marie Antoinette" where it is the struggle for identity in the face of enormous pressure she stays true to a consistent personal vision without compromise.
"Somewhere" shares most in common with "Lost In Translation" which was a film that I went to see at the cinema 6 nights in a row and that I have watched dozens more times on DVD because it speaks to me in a way that almost no other film ever has. I realise how awful that sounds; "Oh yeah, I just love Coppola because, like, her work speaks to me on so many different levels yeah? Yeah." I'm not apologising though because it's true, "Lost in Translation" made me feel like, oh I'm about to make it worse, there was someone who understood me. Will someone take me outside and shoot me before I disappear up my own backside?
"Somewhere" takes us inside the life of Johnny Marco; handsome, successful and cool Hollywood actor who, from a distance, has it all; wild parties inside his hipster bohemian hotel room, pole dancing twins on tap, sex with myriad beautiful women but upon closer inspection his life is absolutely empty and the things he does to fill his time do that but leave his soul, whatever that might mean, ever more hollow. At one point Johnny is called back to the studio to be fitted for a new, old, face...the process involves Johnnys face being covered in layers of latex and then being left alone for forty minutes while it sets. Coppola takes the camera closer and closer as Marco sits in the chair, alone and waits...as he does we are able to pick out his now blind eyes and his mouth is twisted and speechless; it is a haunting image and one that says much about Marco. It is also a scene that perfectly captures Coppola as a film-maker...quiet, subtle and intelligent.
This empty life of Marco is blown apart when his daughter, Cleo, arrives. Suddenly there is light, hope, genuine emotion and honesty where before there was only darkness, hopelessness, phoneyism (it's not a real word, I know, I'm a terrible writer) and lies. She offers Johnny redemption, she is the escape hatch from the locked basement of his life. She breathes life into him where before he had been a hollow carcass. Everyone should have a Cleo!
There is nothing as obvious as a plot or a story here, instead Coppola presents...she presents us with a window into two lives that, one imagines, she is all too familiar with. As the daughter of Hollywood royalty and as a "star" in her own right she is perfectly placed to show both Johnny and Cleo.
Stephen Dorff and Elle Fanning would both, in a perfect world, win Oscars for their performances here. Dorff reminds everyone that he is an actor and not a "bad boy" or "pretty face" and Fanning shows that her sister may not be the first Fanning to win a little gold man after all. Both are totally convincing throughout and the bond between them seems absolutely real. With Dorff playing a Peter Pan figure who only really has to worry about the next party and the next role Fanning plays Wendy by caring for him and forcing him to accept some responsibility.
There will be people who will find nothing to praise in "Somewhere"; they will complain about the minimal script, the lack of "action" of any sort but that is to miss the point completely. Coppola is, it would appear, happy for the likes of Bigelow to play with the boys...she will just get on with creating and crafting films that have meaning.
So there.
Saturday, 11 December 2010
Of Gods and Men - Filmhouse - 8/12/10
"Of Gods and Men" is, without exaggeration, one of the most beautiful films you are likely to see this year, or indeed in any other year. It is also a film that will prove difficult and challenging as it addresses major issues including what it means to have faith, the importance or otherwise of religion and the battle between Christianity and Islam. There is a stillness and quiet about this film that is as important as anything that is said or done on screen.
Telling the true story of a group of Cistercian monks in Algeria who were murdered by...either a group of Islamic fundamentalists or forces within the Algerian army depending on who you listen to or which version of the story you read, director Xavier Beauvois takes us inside the monastery, inside the community they serve and, ultimately, inside the hearts and minds of the monks themselves. Beauvois has made a film of incredible beauty but also one that never shies away from the true horror of what befell these men.
The major question that confronts the monks and that confounds the audience is whether or not they should stay even when they are made aware that to do so will mean, inevitably, their death. Is it noble and dignified? Are they martyrs? Is it the ultimate sacrifice? Or is it foolhardy, selfish and, frankly, stupid? To my mind there is nothing noble in the actions of these men; it appears to me to be absolutely at odds with the notion of Christianity and, given their position as Catholics, I wonder how what they did is any different to committing suicide? Indeed, for me the very notion of a monastic life is at odds with a belief in the God of the bible...who did, let us not forget, instruct His children to go forth, multiply and replenish the earth!
Those with more faith and belief than me may view it very differently and laud the "bravery" of the monks. They are perfectly entitled to do so but it isn't a view of what happened that I can share. However, there is no doubt that Beauvois presents the story in a clear, honest and delicate fashion. My feeling is that he himself sees something admirable in the men and this is evidenced by the films most fantastic moment; the last supper scene (as it will no doubt be remembered) when the monks gather and break bread, drink wine and contemplate their lives. With Tchaikovsky rising and roaring in the background (the only time that music is used) the camera presents each of the men in close up...beatific smiles across their lips, a serene twinkle in their eyes the sense that they are in the world but not of it is palpable.
Set against the backdrop of rising religious and political tensions in Algeria during the 1990's it is easy to see the parallels with the current situation across Europe with tensions between Islam, Christianity and secularists. Those responsible for the murders were never found and in that too there are parallels with the pursuit of those responsible for the events of 9/11. A film set inside an intimate community in a country far away and detailing events that happened 14 years ago may not, on paper, seem a film about our times but Beauvois has managed to create exactly that.
Monday, 6 December 2010
Megamind - Cineworld - 3/12/10
Holoooh.
Are you feeling a little melonkolly?
Do you ever wish you had a black cloak you could wear called the Black Mambaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah?
Are you sick to death of good triumphing over evil but don't fancy living in the sort of world where evil reigns (just think about how many jokes I could have made about America here if Bush were still President...damn you Obama!)?
"Megamind" is the sort of wonderfully, gloriously, ridiculously silly childrens film that appeals to the child in all of us without feeling the need to shoehorn in references to adult topics. This is old fashioned, slapstick heavy, daftness that is guaranteed to bring a smile to all but the most miserable of faces.
Megamind is the supervillain who haunts the citizens of Metro-City (he pronounces it "metrocity") with his evil plans for world domination and desperate attempts to woo (via kidnapping) local TV news reporter Roxanne Richie. He is thwarted at every turn by superhero Metroman (like Superman but with a better quiff). The two rivals have been feuding since pre-school days when the blue skinned Megamind found himself cast in the role of ambitious outsider while Metroman enjoyed the status of goody-two-shoes-cum-class hearthrob.
When Megamind succeeds in destroying Metroman he is plunged into a world of doubt, guilt and has to start to question his purpose in life. With no Metroman what use is a Megamind? He decides that the only way to give his life meaning again is to resurrect Metroman using his dandruff (I know but it's funny, I promise you) to recreate his DNA (or something) and then injecting it into a lonely loser who instantly becomes TITAN. Sadly for Megamind Titan doesn't much like the work involved in being a superhero and instead opts to use his powers for evil purposes!
Featuring the voices of Will Ferrel (a fabulously deranged anti-villain) as Megamind, Brad Pitt (giving his best performance in an age) as superhero Metroman, Tina Fey as the Louis Lane love interest Roxanne Richie and Jonah Hill as Titan (nerd turned hero turned super-villain) this is heavy on A-list credibility and it doesn't fail to deliver. A great script from Alan Schoolcraft and Brent Simons ensures that everyone, including the cast, are kept entertained from start to finish.
If you don't like this I will have my REVAAAAAANGE!
Are you feeling a little melonkolly?
Do you ever wish you had a black cloak you could wear called the Black Mambaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah?
Are you sick to death of good triumphing over evil but don't fancy living in the sort of world where evil reigns (just think about how many jokes I could have made about America here if Bush were still President...damn you Obama!)?
"Megamind" is the sort of wonderfully, gloriously, ridiculously silly childrens film that appeals to the child in all of us without feeling the need to shoehorn in references to adult topics. This is old fashioned, slapstick heavy, daftness that is guaranteed to bring a smile to all but the most miserable of faces.
Megamind is the supervillain who haunts the citizens of Metro-City (he pronounces it "metrocity") with his evil plans for world domination and desperate attempts to woo (via kidnapping) local TV news reporter Roxanne Richie. He is thwarted at every turn by superhero Metroman (like Superman but with a better quiff). The two rivals have been feuding since pre-school days when the blue skinned Megamind found himself cast in the role of ambitious outsider while Metroman enjoyed the status of goody-two-shoes-cum-class hearthrob.
When Megamind succeeds in destroying Metroman he is plunged into a world of doubt, guilt and has to start to question his purpose in life. With no Metroman what use is a Megamind? He decides that the only way to give his life meaning again is to resurrect Metroman using his dandruff (I know but it's funny, I promise you) to recreate his DNA (or something) and then injecting it into a lonely loser who instantly becomes TITAN. Sadly for Megamind Titan doesn't much like the work involved in being a superhero and instead opts to use his powers for evil purposes!
Featuring the voices of Will Ferrel (a fabulously deranged anti-villain) as Megamind, Brad Pitt (giving his best performance in an age) as superhero Metroman, Tina Fey as the Louis Lane love interest Roxanne Richie and Jonah Hill as Titan (nerd turned hero turned super-villain) this is heavy on A-list credibility and it doesn't fail to deliver. A great script from Alan Schoolcraft and Brent Simons ensures that everyone, including the cast, are kept entertained from start to finish.
If you don't like this I will have my REVAAAAAANGE!
Saturday, 4 December 2010
The American - Cineworld - 28/11/10
Oh dear.
I mean, really, this was just embarrassing.
Honestly.
At the end of this a chap in the row in front of me turned to his girlfriend and said "There was more corn in that than there was in your popcorn". Now, that might not be the wittiest thing you've ever read and it may not really make much sense but the sentiment is spot on. There are films, like "Avatar", which are horrid because they have no real purpose other than making money...they are glorified merchandise advertisments and don't pretend to be anything else (despite what you might think if you listen to James Cameron blubbering on about "imperialism")...but something like "The American" is trying really hard to be "meaningful" and "artistic"despite being utterly bereft of meaning and completely artless.
What makes this particularly painful is that it was directed by Anton Cobijn.
Anton bloody Corbijn!
This is the man who was responsible for some of the most perfect photographs in the history of pop music...just look at his images of Joy Division and then try to disagree with me.
He also directed some of the most gorgeous music videos ever with Depeche Mode.
All of that might not have meant much in terms of making a film were it not for the fact that his directorial debut was "Control" which is one of the most visually arresting and emotionally brutal films you are ever likely to see.
How a director can go from something as perfect as "Control" to something as flawed as "The American" is beyond me.
This film has a lovely cast...George Clooney, Irina Bjorklund and Paulo Bonacelli are all fine performers but they are bogged down in a deathly slow plot; there is a difference between serious, delicately paced and just boring when it comes to pacing and Corbijn has stepped over the line. They are also hindered by Corbijns desire to mimic the serious seventies thrillers like "The Conversation" which is admirable but in his mind seems to simply mean myriad shots of mounds of pubic hair, hideously stereotyped women and "philosophical" discussions between a flawed priest and a hitman.
Oh...the butterflies!
How could I forget the butterflies?
So, Clooney is pictured asleep with a book of butterflies on his chest...then he spots an endangered butterfly...then we see that he has a butterfly tattoo...then the prostitute that he falls in love with (seriously) starts calling him, can you guess? YES! MR BUTTERFLY!
It's all very deep and meaningful you see...butterflies, priests, assassins, pubic hair.
This is so depressing.
There are people, I have no doubt, who will try to defend this but really there is no defense; it's a horrible, horrible, mistake of a film that everyone involved should just apologise for.
If you want to see a film about a tortured gun for hire then look out for "The Hard Way" starring Patrick McGoohan which is icy cool, suspenseful and, unlike "The American" doesn't trade in cliche or stereotypes. Trust me on this, your life is too short for "The American"...spend your time more wisely.
I mean, really, this was just embarrassing.
Honestly.
At the end of this a chap in the row in front of me turned to his girlfriend and said "There was more corn in that than there was in your popcorn". Now, that might not be the wittiest thing you've ever read and it may not really make much sense but the sentiment is spot on. There are films, like "Avatar", which are horrid because they have no real purpose other than making money...they are glorified merchandise advertisments and don't pretend to be anything else (despite what you might think if you listen to James Cameron blubbering on about "imperialism")...but something like "The American" is trying really hard to be "meaningful" and "artistic"despite being utterly bereft of meaning and completely artless.
What makes this particularly painful is that it was directed by Anton Cobijn.
Anton bloody Corbijn!
This is the man who was responsible for some of the most perfect photographs in the history of pop music...just look at his images of Joy Division and then try to disagree with me.
He also directed some of the most gorgeous music videos ever with Depeche Mode.
All of that might not have meant much in terms of making a film were it not for the fact that his directorial debut was "Control" which is one of the most visually arresting and emotionally brutal films you are ever likely to see.
How a director can go from something as perfect as "Control" to something as flawed as "The American" is beyond me.
This film has a lovely cast...George Clooney, Irina Bjorklund and Paulo Bonacelli are all fine performers but they are bogged down in a deathly slow plot; there is a difference between serious, delicately paced and just boring when it comes to pacing and Corbijn has stepped over the line. They are also hindered by Corbijns desire to mimic the serious seventies thrillers like "The Conversation" which is admirable but in his mind seems to simply mean myriad shots of mounds of pubic hair, hideously stereotyped women and "philosophical" discussions between a flawed priest and a hitman.
Oh...the butterflies!
How could I forget the butterflies?
So, Clooney is pictured asleep with a book of butterflies on his chest...then he spots an endangered butterfly...then we see that he has a butterfly tattoo...then the prostitute that he falls in love with (seriously) starts calling him, can you guess? YES! MR BUTTERFLY!
It's all very deep and meaningful you see...butterflies, priests, assassins, pubic hair.
This is so depressing.
There are people, I have no doubt, who will try to defend this but really there is no defense; it's a horrible, horrible, mistake of a film that everyone involved should just apologise for.
If you want to see a film about a tortured gun for hire then look out for "The Hard Way" starring Patrick McGoohan which is icy cool, suspenseful and, unlike "The American" doesn't trade in cliche or stereotypes. Trust me on this, your life is too short for "The American"...spend your time more wisely.
The Social Network - Cineworld - 28/11/10
Have you ever been poked?
What's your status?
Tagged anyone today?
Farmville?
Does any of this mean anything to you?
If it does then you have a facebook account and alongside 500 million others you are a part of the empire of Mark Zuckerberg...the creator and CEO (bitch) of Facebook.
Facebook could be one of the greatest forms of mass communication ever, it could be a sinister means of monitoring the activities of friends/former friends/ex-lovers/current lovers/employees or it could even be the brainchild of the CIA; it all depends on who you want to believe and what you want to believe.
What isn't open to debate is that Zuckerberg is one of the most interesting .commers in the history of www. or that he is the youngest billionaire ever. It is this remarkable success along with the murky story of who really created the facebook that makes "The Social Network" a fascinating character study and not the sort of vanity project that most biopics are.
Directed by David Fincher (7even, Fight Club, Zodiac) and based on the book by Ben Mezrich (a million selling author) one would expect this film to be good...what elevates it beyond being a good film though is the screenplay from Aaron Sorkin which is surely the only possible winner of the best screenplay award at the next Oscars. Sorkins script is fast, furious, intelligent, witty, caustic and always believable. To sit down with a copy and read it would be more enjoyable and illuminating than forcing oneself to wade through the nominees for the Booker.
With a great central performance from Jesse Eisenberg as Zuckerberg; all twisted neuroses and "Rainman" autism it is his best performance to date and could well land him an Oscar nod early next year. Support from the likes of Armie Hammer (playing both Winklevoss twins) and Justin Timberlake as Napster creator Sean Parker ensure that the screen is always alive.
What's your status?
Tagged anyone today?
Farmville?
Does any of this mean anything to you?
If it does then you have a facebook account and alongside 500 million others you are a part of the empire of Mark Zuckerberg...the creator and CEO (bitch) of Facebook.
Facebook could be one of the greatest forms of mass communication ever, it could be a sinister means of monitoring the activities of friends/former friends/ex-lovers/current lovers/employees or it could even be the brainchild of the CIA; it all depends on who you want to believe and what you want to believe.
What isn't open to debate is that Zuckerberg is one of the most interesting .commers in the history of www. or that he is the youngest billionaire ever. It is this remarkable success along with the murky story of who really created the facebook that makes "The Social Network" a fascinating character study and not the sort of vanity project that most biopics are.
Directed by David Fincher (7even, Fight Club, Zodiac) and based on the book by Ben Mezrich (a million selling author) one would expect this film to be good...what elevates it beyond being a good film though is the screenplay from Aaron Sorkin which is surely the only possible winner of the best screenplay award at the next Oscars. Sorkins script is fast, furious, intelligent, witty, caustic and always believable. To sit down with a copy and read it would be more enjoyable and illuminating than forcing oneself to wade through the nominees for the Booker.
With a great central performance from Jesse Eisenberg as Zuckerberg; all twisted neuroses and "Rainman" autism it is his best performance to date and could well land him an Oscar nod early next year. Support from the likes of Armie Hammer (playing both Winklevoss twins) and Justin Timberlake as Napster creator Sean Parker ensure that the screen is always alive.
Wednesday, 1 December 2010
The Chaser - DVD - 28/11/10
When one of his girls goes missing former detective turned pimp Joong-ho sets out to find who is responsible and finds himself dragged into a nightmarish journey into the sort of Hell on earth that David Fincher gave us in "7even" as he discovers that the girl in question has fallen victim to the twisted machinations of serial killer Young Min-jee.
Young Min-jee has been murdering prostitutes across the city and burying them in the garden of another of his victims for many months. He is the sort of cocky, arrogant but childlike and innocent serial killer who could sit comfortably alongside Hannibal Lecter or John Doe. At times the sense of dread and evil whenever he is on screen is almost palpable. His targets bring to mind the myriad, real life serial killers both here in the UK and elsewhere who have selected prostitutes as easy victims and the lack of interest in the whereabouts of the girls in the film by pimps or police also echoes the attitude of society in general.
While there are many disturbing and shocking scenes (possibly none more so than when Min-jee is crudely attempting to use a chisel to murder a girl) "The Chaser" also reminded me of "Beat" Takeshis "Kikujiro" as both films feature adults unsure of how to "manage" a young child who they suddenly find themselves accompanying on a journey to find their mother. While "Kikujiro" is short on the dark elements of "The Chaser" both films manage to provoke laughter from the unsuitability of the substitute
"fathers" and their desperate attempts to cope with a child.
It is also clear that "The Chaser" has had an influence on the similarly brutal "Breathless" with both films featuring violent, unstable male leads who work in the underworld (in "Breathless" the lead is a debt collector) and who both bond with a younger female who offer the chance of redemption. Watching both films side by side also highlights a shared aesthetic from each director with shadows, cramped interiors and a focus on the seedier side of society.
There is an English language remake of "The Chaser" in the pipeline and one can only hope that it follows the example of "The Departed" (a remake of "Infernal Affairs") and stays true to the original films dark, violent and bloody vision.
Young Min-jee has been murdering prostitutes across the city and burying them in the garden of another of his victims for many months. He is the sort of cocky, arrogant but childlike and innocent serial killer who could sit comfortably alongside Hannibal Lecter or John Doe. At times the sense of dread and evil whenever he is on screen is almost palpable. His targets bring to mind the myriad, real life serial killers both here in the UK and elsewhere who have selected prostitutes as easy victims and the lack of interest in the whereabouts of the girls in the film by pimps or police also echoes the attitude of society in general.
While there are many disturbing and shocking scenes (possibly none more so than when Min-jee is crudely attempting to use a chisel to murder a girl) "The Chaser" also reminded me of "Beat" Takeshis "Kikujiro" as both films feature adults unsure of how to "manage" a young child who they suddenly find themselves accompanying on a journey to find their mother. While "Kikujiro" is short on the dark elements of "The Chaser" both films manage to provoke laughter from the unsuitability of the substitute
"fathers" and their desperate attempts to cope with a child.
It is also clear that "The Chaser" has had an influence on the similarly brutal "Breathless" with both films featuring violent, unstable male leads who work in the underworld (in "Breathless" the lead is a debt collector) and who both bond with a younger female who offer the chance of redemption. Watching both films side by side also highlights a shared aesthetic from each director with shadows, cramped interiors and a focus on the seedier side of society.
There is an English language remake of "The Chaser" in the pipeline and one can only hope that it follows the example of "The Departed" (a remake of "Infernal Affairs") and stays true to the original films dark, violent and bloody vision.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)